Saturday, June 02, 2007

3rd Post Today!

I have posted three separate times today. Why? you ask. Well I felt like there were three separate stories I wanted to share. The first was a little too depressing, so I wanted to share something more upbeat. I threw in the second one, because I had finally remembered I had been wanting to let everyone know that. This third one is to bring everyone to a happier state I hope. Read from the bottom up if want to read it in order.

Did you go read "Memorial Day" first?

Really, seriously, go there first.

I'm not typing anymore unless you start at the beginning.

Alright, I guess I can't force you. If you insist on reading this one first, you'll be sad at the end instead of happy.

Last weekend something wonderful did happen. Mark's best friend, Demetrios, from Law School got married. My sister-in-law Stacie went with me to Houston for the festivities. It was a spectacular event. I can honestly say I've never experienced anything so beautiful and fancy and fun. I was so glad to finally meet Kim, the woman Demetrios married. She was absolutely beautiful. We ate wonderful food and got to know Demetrios' family. Everyone we met was delightful. We were going non-stop the entire time. It was fun to Houston. I fell in love with the area around Rice University. We ended up in that area a lot, and it was so beautiful. I felt like a little kid looking out the window and "oohing" and "aahing" at everything. I was also able to meet Joel Lester and Sara Hinkley. Joel's wife Kelly died from the same cancer as Mark. Sara was one of Kelly's best friends. Even though I'd never met them in person before, there is an amazing connection to people who have experienced the same things. It was a great weekend.

I have to tell you that Lucas finally waved "hello" a couple of days ago. I was so excited I probably made a fool of myself over it, but I didn't care. Those are the things that make it bearable to keep going. Another one of those moments: Tessa played her final soccer game of the season, and in the final quarter she kicked not only the winning goal but her only goal of the season. It was so exciting! You know what I love most about Tess, she talks about Mark all the time. She is always saying things like "daddy would have liked that movie," or "daddy loved eating here." The two of us cry, laugh and talk about Mark together often. I hope that never changes. The boys don't bring up Mark much at all.

I cried over the funniest thing last night. The news was talking about the cable station that was showing the Mountain West games last year and how they were trying to change things around so a bigger fan base would be able to see the games. Anyway at the end of the report as she was wrapping up, she commented that they were trying to fix the problem by the time the Cougars played their opening game in Arizona on September 1. I'm even tearing up again as I type it. An opening Cougar Football game without Mark, that is going to hard. That is second only to all the things he misses that our kids do. Wait---------this seems to be going down the sad path, and that's not what this was supposed to be.

A huge weight was lifted when I heard about a week ago that the investigation was over on the life insurance. The check is coming. Now I just need to pray that the stock market will do well enough so I can still stay at home and raise the kids without having to go to work at least until Lucas is in school. I think by then I'll want to be doing something. I'll probably go back to substitute teaching. I guess we'll see what life brings over the next few years. Maybe I'll find a whole new career idea by then.

Lucas is awake, I'm going to go "get me a little Lucas." Chase came home from school the other day and Lucas was still napping and he said, "Awe, I NEED a litte Lucas." I just love it. It's so true. Lucas is good medicine. From me all the way down to Tessa and even some outside our immediate family, we sometimes just "need a little Lucas" to brighten our day.

Love ya, me

Email

I've meant to post this a thousand times (O.K. maybe I exagerate a little.)

On our page, there is a link to "Guestbook" and underneath that is "Email." Many of you have told me that you don't want to make a public comment, so you haven't posted in the "guestbook." I really love hearing from you. If you click on "Email" instead, it comes to me privately through an email address. I can't promise a personal response to everyone, well at least not yet. I do try and get back to you when I can though. I love hearing from you.

Memorial Day

It was not a great day on Monday to say the very least. I almost feel like I'm in one of those really bad comedies where you think it's been about as bad as it can get, and then "ten" more things happen. Many of the issues I can't even share, but here's the lighter side of the bad stuff.

I own a Kitchen Aid double built-in oven and a few days before the 19th of April, I ran the self-cleaning cycle. Low and behold the oven is not working the next morning. Guess who still has no working oven? You guessed it me! They've been here 3 times at least and put in numerous parts that didn't fix the problem and now I've been waiting for a part to come in that's around $200 on it's own. Thursday they are coming for hopefully the last time and I'm only in about $400. I've only had them reschedule this final appointment 4 times. It's no big deal. ***The guy came to fix it Thursday and Kitchen Aid had given him the wrong part number to order, so we are still without an oven. I'm not even planning to use my oven for another month, then I can't be disappointed. Is this for real?

I've been stressed and worried about this headstone issue with American Monument since the day I ordered it, and I've been on the phone with them at least 3 times each week over the last 3 weeks trying to get information. Mind you, I was told back in the middle of April that my stone was next to be put on the slab to be blasted or carved or whatever they do. So I was patient for a few weeks. I was waiting for them to call me around the first part of May to say they were done with the drawing which I then O.K., and then they finish carving it within a couple of days. It was getting closer to memorial day, I called and they informed me that their compressor had busted and it was going to be difficult at best to finish all the stones they promised. A few days later when I called to get a more definitive answer about the compressor, they told me that the person who had sold me the stone was supposed to have called me a few weeks back to tell me a customer had backed into their stones and a domino effect took place breaking some of the stones. They couldn't do anything with those stones until the insurance company had taken all their pictures and "released" the stones. I'm not sure it would take weeks for this. I even asked if they could just bring in the cement part with the vases on the sides which they said they "could do that." When I tried to find out if they were going to "do that." I got no return call about the matter. They didn't even offer a specific discount or percantage off for the trouble. Needless to say, there was no beautiful new headstone on Mark's grave for Memorial Day. I asked the company for my deposit back on Tuesday, and I got a call on Wednesday that the insurance company had released the stone and they could go ahead with it. Interesting how when I asked for my money back the stones ready to go.

The other things that I'm not going to share really feel like a mean joke. I'm not kidding when I say that I feel like "okay, bring it on, it can't get any worse." Life is very surreal right now. I honestly don't know how to keep going and yet somehow I do. Every time I say that, I realize that the power of God has been testified to me again. There is no other way I could still be functioning if it were not for a loving Father in Heaven who lifts me when I have no more will to go on, who inspires others to do things or say things that snap me out of this haze. I still live in awe daily at the love that so many of you offer through emails, phone calls, treats at the door, driving my kids places, watching Lucas, inviting me and/or my kids out for some fun, and the list could go on and on. It's such a hard and humbling thing to be the receiver of so much love and kindness. It's very hard not to feel guilty. THANK YOU! I don't know what else to say besides thank you. I know Mark is so grateful that you all are caring for us and taking care of us now that's he's gone. I love and appreciate each one of you so much. Thank you.