Sunday, September 02, 2007

9/2 A tearful BYU football game

Yesterday I went to the BYU Cougar's season opener against Arizona. BYU was victorious 20-7. I wasn't planning on going. How could I without Mark? And yet how could I not go for Mark? I didn't expect the reaction I had. I cried over every little thing. Every time there was a good play, bad play, bad call by the ref's or when the players were getting set; I could hear Mark explaining the inevitable "pick" or "reverse," picture his excitement over a completed pass or successful run, see him giving me a high five when they made a touchdown, watching his frustration when things went wrong. All of these things had tears running down my face. The half-time presentation didn't help matters either. Two former quarter backs, Gifford Nielsen (#14) and Ty Detmer (#14), were honored and their "jersey's #14" were retired. Ty Detmer's career was during Mark & I's time at BYU - dating and newly married. Therefore, the highlight reels brought back numerous memories that brought even more tears. My sweet sister-in-law Kelley sat with me. Together the two of us made quite a blubbering pair. I'm sure the fans around us were baffled as to our reactions to a very successful game. Kelley & Geret, and Mark & I have been going to games together for at least 18 years I think; possibly even longer. I'm glad I went. It seemed like something I needed to do. I missed him yesterday much more than I've felt this entire 7+ months.

I have often wondered since Mark died if he can enjoy the BYU football games, the kids games or performances; or if they are even important any more. I mean maybe in heaven we fully understand what's important and what's not. Sometimes it's nice to think that he is where I am, enjoying or helping me with whatever I'm doing. But I'm just not sure it works that way. I'm certain though that we don't need to know the right answer. I think it's okay to think about it in whatever way helps us through. I like to think that Mark's doing an extremely important work, but that he has time to check in on his family too. I also think that he will be spiritually present at all the important physical events in our lives. Therefore, I think Mark was there yesterday enjoying a great football game.

Thank you for posting or emailing. You don't know how much it lifts my spirits to hear from all of you, even those I don't know personally yet. It helps me feel like I'm not alone, so thank you a thousand times, thank you.